Sometimes when I get depressed, I find I have to do the crazy thing running around in my brain to break its hold on me.
Like the time I ate an entire half gallon of ice cream.
I was depressed about various episodes in my life at this time. The only thing I wanted to do was eat ice cream but my head kept saying that was wrong. What would that do to my waistline?
The strange thing was I realized I had to do it. Damm my weight and potential guilt, damm it all. I was going to eat that half gallon.
So I did. I could not even tell you what flavor it was although I am sure it was chocolate of some sort.
By the time I was done, I realized I had a whole evening left. And eating the ice cream had not solved the problem. The problem was still there. The change was how I felt about it. Wallowing in my misery made me realize I could work things through, things could get better and I was being silly in eating that entire half gallon which I probably got on sale anyway.
I was thinking about that last week as the shroud of depression peeled away from me slowly last week. I spent Christmas day in bed after unwrapping of gifts, going to church, having a mid-morning hike and lunch at a chinese buffet. I was so tired, for no good reason, that I laid down and slept for hours. It was dark when I got out of bed. I really wanted to stay there and sleep some more but I felt that the family wanted to see me.
I went to bed at the regular time that night and slept some more. But this time when I woke up, I actually felt rested. Each day became better and then I began to think about what my new year’s resolution should be, what I wanted to acheive this year.
In the last month I had begun to feel as if I was not accomplishing anything. I was feeling as if I have not changed the world or made a difference in the area where I live. I looked at the pile of unfinished quilt tops and home projects that are only half way or one quarter of the way completed.
And it was driving me crazy.
That is when I read one post about resolutions that had been freshly pressed and had my own epiphany. Some of my volunteer efforts are in work areas I am considering. I purposely took them on to dip my foot in that pool. I purposely joined a writer’s group to make myself more accountable in my goal to finally write a novel. I have started decluttering and getting rid of the stuff I do not want while keeping those things that make me happy.
So I decided to make this year the year of completions. Those six unfinished quilt projects are getting done. The kitchen cabinets are getting painted and new hardware, the living room will get new paint and slipcovers for the couches. My daughter’s room is going to be painted to reflect her tween status. Closets, including the Closet of Doom, are getting cleared out. All of these things that I have wanted to get done are getting done.
My plan is to take on one thing at a time. I have to keep up with writing and that will be on a different schedule. But craft, decorating and decluttering projects are going to happen step-by-step. I do not plan to run around willy-nilly getting things done. Just as the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace program talks about starting with the smallest thing first to give a sense of making progress, I plan to work on those projects that are easiest to complete right away. First off will be an embroidery kit I have been working on for years. Next will be the quilting project needing some applique work. In the spring, I will work on painting projects.
Along the way I plan to put up pictures to show how it is progressing. You will see the before and after pictures of rooms as well as some projects.
Then, there are the rewards. Being kinder to myself was brought up in the comments last week and I intend to do that, to remind myself that I am human and what gets done, is what gets done. But when something gets done that is a big deal, I plan to reward myself for doing the job, for completion.
So task number one of making the goal known is completed. Next up, working on that embroidery project that should have been done at least ten years ago. I am very excited about this.
Are you working on any resolutions?