Mad as hell and about to blow up!

Ever since the election in 2016, I have been angry.

Some people might say I have always been an angry soul but now I am on the edge of going off at all times.

I want to scream and yell all of the time. I want to eat birthday cake and all the bad things I shouldn’t eat all of the time. I completely understood Tina Fey’s rant a few months ago after Charlottesville.

Everyday our President or our majority party congress does or says or tweets something that makes me want to scream, loudly.

Taxes, sexual harassment, North Korea, Russia, healthcare, racial agitation, nazi sympathies, anti-woman sentiments, anti-middle class sentiments are just a few topics that push me over the edge.

Our president and his supporters creep me out. All they seem to do is hate, hate, HATE!

They hate Mexicans, Muslims, women, blacks, immigrants, gays. Transgenders, journalists, anyone different.

They can’t stand the fact that they might not be in power and they turn their sights on anyone who can take that power away from them. Intelligentsia, the press, the scientists are all evil.

They think their guns are going to be taken away, that a wall will protect us, that the earth is not warming and climate change is a big fat lie. That women are more evil than cats. that stories or videos on what they have said or done is all fake news.

Worse yet, all of the things that 45 decided were not true have become true in his head again.

This is what happens when a business man becomes a governmental leader who does not understand how government works. Businessmen expect to snap their fingers and the changes they want will happen. But it doesn’t work that way as my own governor is finding out. You actually have to work with people, write things out, make sure they are legal, sit through committee meetings.

So these guys are trying to force the world back to something that is great for them and they don’t care if it doesn’t work for the remaining 95% of the country. They turn off their phones and refuse to meet with constituents, the people who voted for them. Who cares about small businesses and the middle class – you know them as the people who buy your products. But after this bill passes and taxes lose all of the deductions for the middle class, life won’t be the same. You can take off your expenses for that jet but not your healthcare costs, state taxes, and real estate and student loan interest.

Who cares about seniors? Or veterans or the disabled? Meals on Wheels simply is “just not showing results” according to Mick Mulvaney, President Trump’s budget chief.

While I call my representatives in Washington, it is like singing to the choir. I do it now for the tallies so they can go back and say “see, my constituents hate this!” On the other hand, my state rep still thinks bump stocks are not worthy to fight about. Shooting up a grade school and music concert and a church is simply not enough reason to make consistent gun laws across the country

I understand why people are going off. I won’t be surprised if senators find themselves in front of angry constituents during the next round of town hall visits. I wouldn’t be surprised if their local offices are egged, tp’ed, or blown up. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that they all have armed guards paid for by tax money.

People are angry, fighting mad. They know that around the corner or at the next family gathering is a Trump supporter gloating at all of the winning that is not happening. And on days that another indictment or guilty plea comes out, I feel like we can throw it all right back in their faces even though we shouldn’t.

While I try to keep my cool, I find myself not listening to the news. I have a steady stream of audio books to get me through when the classical station refuses to come in. I’m working on scarves to put on our church’s mitten tree. I am eating more (dark) chocolate and bread. (love white bread but avoiding it like the plague). I am also trying to work out more and drink a little extra alcohol to take the edge off.

Now that the tax bill nightmare has come true, Congress is moving on to net neutrality and social security.

I might need to move on to a gallon of ice cream to get through those issues.

What are you doing to relieve the stress of the Trump administration?

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The Year of Completion

Sometimes when I get depressed, I find I have to do the crazy thing running around in my brain to break its hold on me.

Like the time I ate an entire half gallon of ice cream.

I was depressed about various episodes in my life at this time. The only thing I wanted to do was eat ice cream but my head kept saying that was wrong. What would that do to my waistline?

The strange thing was I realized I had to do it. Damm my weight and potential guilt, damm it all. I was going to eat that half gallon.

So I did. I could not even tell you what flavor it was although I am sure it was chocolate of some sort.

By the time I was done, I realized I had a whole evening left. And eating the ice cream had not solved the problem. The problem was still there. The change was how I felt about it. Wallowing in my misery made me realize I could work things through, things could get better and I was being silly in eating that entire half gallon which I probably got on sale anyway.

I was thinking about that last week as the shroud of depression peeled away from me slowly last week. I spent Christmas day in bed after unwrapping of gifts, going to church, having a mid-morning hike and lunch at a chinese buffet. I was so tired, for no good reason, that I laid down and slept for hours. It was dark when I got out of bed. I really wanted to stay there and sleep some more but I felt that the family wanted to see me.

I went to bed at the regular time that night and slept some more. But this time when I woke up, I actually felt rested. Each day became better and then I began to think about what my new year’s resolution should be, what I wanted to acheive this year.

In the last month I had begun to feel as if I was not accomplishing anything. I was feeling as if I have not changed the world or made a difference in the area where I live. I looked at the pile of unfinished quilt tops and home projects that are only half way or one quarter of the way completed.

And it was driving me crazy.

That is when I read one post about resolutions that had been freshly pressed and had my own epiphany. Some of my volunteer efforts are in work areas I am considering. I purposely took them on to dip my foot in that pool. I purposely joined a writer’s group to make myself more accountable in my goal to finally write a novel. I have started decluttering and getting rid of the stuff I do not want while keeping those things that make me happy.

So I decided to make this year the year of completions. Those six unfinished quilt projects are getting done. The kitchen cabinets are getting painted and new hardware, the living room will get new paint and slipcovers for the couches. My daughter’s room is going to be painted to reflect her tween status. Closets, including the Closet of Doom,  are getting cleared out. All of these things that I have wanted to get done are getting done.

My plan is to take on one thing at a time. I have to keep up with writing and that will be on a different schedule. But craft, decorating and decluttering projects are going to happen step-by-step. I do not plan to run around willy-nilly getting things done. Just as the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace program talks about starting with the smallest thing first to give a sense of making progress, I plan to work on those projects that are easiest to complete right away. First off will be an embroidery kit I have been working on for years. Next will be the quilting project needing some applique work. In the spring, I will work on painting projects.

Along the way I plan to put up pictures to show how it is progressing. You will see the before and after pictures of rooms as well as some projects.

Then, there are the rewards.  Being kinder to myself was brought up in the comments last week and I intend to do that, to remind myself that I am human and what gets done, is what gets done. But when something gets done that is a big deal, I plan to reward myself for doing the job, for completion.

So task number one of making the goal known is completed. Next up, working on that embroidery project that should have been done at least ten years ago. I am very excited about this.

Are you working on any resolutions?