Book Cover Image from IMDb.com

It is that favorite time of the month when I talk about a recent Chick Lit book that I have read for the reading challenge sponsored by Chick Lit Plus.

I have enjoyed this challenge as it has forced me out of my comfort zone of reading only Jane Austen. I love Jane, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes you have to force yourself to read other authors.

This month I decided to delve into a vampire novel. I walked around my favorite used book store and picked out something that appealed to the eye. Real Vampires Don’t Diet by Gerry Bartlett.

So this time around our vampire protagonist is a girl who wears a size 12. She has curves with real breasts and hips. Gloriana is also 400 years old and currently mentoring a new vampire who happens to be a rock star.

In this series, vampires cannot eat or drink, they will get a huge hangover if they do. And they must sleep when the sun comes up otherwise they pass out where ever they might be and the sun, yep, it can do damage.

In this book, Glory’s boyfriend is gone in order to save his daughter and Glory must handle Ray the rockstar when he decides to go on a Jack Daniel’s Binge. So she has to babysit the man and help him recover. In the meantime they get mixed up with a siren who forces the duo to bring her three males vampires or they are burning in hell forever.

I guess I was expecting a good romp, some vampire action,  and snarky dialogue. I read reviews of this book at Barnes-and-Noble which raved about what a fun read this book and others in the series were, how they were addicting. When I went over to Amazon, I could have sworn I was reading the exact same reviews.

But here is what they did not tell you.

Every other sequence is about sex. Maybe it is one character trying to seduce the other or wishing for the other or imagined sex or actual sex. But there is a lot of sex in this book and it gets a little graphic at times. After a while, it was boring. Ho-hum, she is lusting aster Ray but resisting because she loves Jerry. Ho hum, she is about to have sex with Jerry. Ho-hum, she is meeting other handsome vamps and thinking about having sex with them.

Then there are the actions sequences which are quick but nearly deadly. And yet, Glory wins every time except with the Siren. Watch her take out bad guys, watch her constantly hunt mortals, watch her fight off advances from guys who want to have sex with her.

The reviews raved by the fun banter in this series but what I found was drivel. If it wasn’t a bunch of complaining, it was sex talk or drooling over whoever was the sexiest body in the room. By page 20, I was bored with the characters. By page 70, I began shifting around the book to see how it progressed. I have not finished the book, I am not going to finish the book. But I am putting it on the pile of books that are going to the used-book store.

This was a sorry excuse of paper and Gerry Bartlett owes me an apology. If I am promised witty banter, that is what I want  and not the soft porn or half-assed action that I got instead. Would I recommend this? Only if it was the only thing available while at a summer resort before heading to the beach. You won’t mind ruining this book with water, sand and sunscreen because those three items are more interesting than this book.

Have you been disappointed by a book lately?