I was thinking about writing on thankfulness today with the big holiday coming up.
Perhaps it is a desire to remind myself that – even when I mess up, blow deadlines and have a generally yucky feeling – life is pretty good. My family is healthy, I have a job as does my husband and while we do not have a lot of money we do have enough.
That idea was totally blown out of the water when I read “Gratitude, Shmatitude” at Snide Reply. How right she is that sometimes you have to deal with what is at the moment and gratitude has to wait some days.
The strange thing is that it reminded me of a life lesson found in a Star Trek movie. Spock’s human brother is a healer who takes away the emotional pain that the roughest situations give us. Dr. McCoy in particular has become a believer as he never got over the guilt of taking his father off of life support one week before a cure for McCoy’s father’s illness was discovered.
It is at this moment that Captain Kirk refuses, stating that the worst moments of our lives are what shapes and forms us. Would Dr. McCoy had become a less able doctor if his father’s experience had not propelled him? We need those times to push us and eat at us to make ourselves better.
I am going to think about that as my frozen rock of a turkey slowly thaws and perhaps be cook-able tomorrow. I will think about that as I put up Christmas lights on the warmest Thanksgiving in years. I will think about it all as I watch Miracle on 34th Street for the umpteenth time.
That is not going to stop me from feeling grateful for the good things because I learned long ago there are always going to be people trying to drag you down. Some people are happiest when they are dragging you down. Some people think cynicism is hip when it is really hiding from your own emotions. I have been one of those persons at different times in my life and I am not going back there. If that means I have to shine the light of gratitude to keep from sliding down the slope of despair, I am doing it.
But here is what I am not doing. I am not joining a gratitude group or keeping a gratitude journal. Some days, I will go to bed angrier than a red hen at something stupid the husband has done and forget to think of things that make me grateful. (Like no one else has ever done that.) Nor am I going to force you to state how you feel grateful for something or chide you when life puts you on the negative side of the fence. I have cousins whose mother died two years ago at this time and telling them to be grateful they had her as long as they did is a bit cruel and stupid.
What I am still going to do is be happy for what I do have because as far as I can tell, I have it pretty good. It has not always been easy but my life is easier than a lot of other people. And that makes me feel lucky and good.
If that is gratitude, well, so be it.
Notes from Rumbly Cottage 
Well said, Karyn! I haven’t read Snide’s post yet, but if it is similar to the point you’ve made here – I’m sure I’ll like it.
I prefer to be thankful than ungrateful, but as you said, “sometimes I go to bed angrier than a red hen”. Yes, it’s true.
And, like your cousin, I have a friend who lost her mother on Christmas Eve last year. My friend spent Thanksgiving through the new year, at her parent’s house in order to be with her Mom. Though she’s grateful she had time with her Mom, you better believe she aches at the loss and wishes she HAD her Mom rather than the memories.
Snide was Freshly Pressed yesterday. It was a good post but I did not feel right commenting on it. I was inspired to write this instead. I guess I hate the ‘happy, happy’ face we are to put on and yet I hate pervasive negativity as well. I am trying to find that middle ground.
Thank you for being realistic! We don’t always have to be grateful or thankful all the time. Doesn’t make us any less of a person.
There is much to be grateful for. Sometimes I think we are forced to be grateful for Big Fancy Things. When a sunrise with coffee would do. I have not read the comments of Snide yet, but there is a little pollyanna in me that got over my own mothers death when I was very young, followed by my husband legging it and leaving me with a bunch of very tiny kids and cancer in the offing and not yet 25. I only say this because I feel I have the right to say Thank You. It is OK to be angry. In fact it is good to be angry. And sometimes it feels really good to be angry. Thankful for the anger is hard. Not just tomorrow though. Every day. This is OUR middle ground.. yours AND MINE.. every day. I love it when you write like this.. c
Thank you for the kind words. I have been in a funk and really began thinking about this. Once I read Snide’s piece yesterday, I began moving in a different direction. In the end I wanted to say I am grateful for what is my life but I am not going to be a ‘happiness’ zombie.
being happy is the most important thing! Have a happy thanksgiving day 🙂
I guess I don’t associate being grateful with being Pollyannish. I can recognize the bumps in the road and still appreciate the road. I see your point how some people can be annoyingly optimistic or positive in situations that call for a little seriousness. That’s the extreme, just like the people who are the nay-sayers all the time. Living at the extremes of any trait is never a good thing. Balance, right? Isn’t that what you were trying to say?
Balance is always important.
Well put. I like your style of gratitude. It is real and enduring.
Thank you. And Thanks for stopping by.