Ever have that moment of “A-ha” thinking during a sermon?
I got one last week when my pastor spoke on happiness not being related to money or material possessions.
It had been one of those weekends where we had activities but little cash while going to one of the biggest sport shows of the winter. And we were doing it like that again, after several years of doing it with little money.
I was angry and frustrated because the husband did his usual changing of how we were going to do things. Instead of friends driving us to the hall, he was going to drop us and find street parking. That is until he passed the entrance and decided to go for the street parking and we would all walk over.
I was trying not to get mad right until I realized he parked the car against the curb and a pile of snow. I was wearing my pretty shoes, not boots, and began feeling stupid walking around the car without getting snow in my shoes. The mile walk in a cold, cold wind in which my daughter did not wear gloves or a hat began to fuel a bit of anger in my soul. The final straw came when our usual plans for dropping off coats was not going to be used.
There is nothing worse than looking at big expensive boats and motor homes when you know you do not have the money that day to even buy a churro. While holding everyone’s coat. At least there was not a baby bag on top of everything else.
I want to be one of those women who floats around with a drink in my hands and laughing that tinkling laugh, knowing it is possible for me to by the RV with the pop-out sides and a fireplace inside. If my kids want a churro or several churros, it is not a problem. Same thing if I happen to pass Reba’s Fudge from Mackinac.
But that is not my life and sometimes it depresses me. I have to force myself remember that we are lucky with food in the pantry and a working car. I want more, to be stable, to buy whatever I want whenever I want. I don’t mean big-ticket items. Just things like clothes or cd’s or books or to go out to a restaurant without a coupon.
This is where that sermon fits in. Pastor reminded us that all of the stuff does not really matter. All of the stuff is not going with us to heaven. And the joy we feel from the love of God is longer lasting than what we might get from a churro.
It was a reminder I needed on a day when I was feeling grumpy about being a have not, churlish and childish. I still have that even when I look at expensive boats and know they will never be in my future. But sometimes, I feel like singing Janis Joplin and hope I have the same giggle she did at the end of the song.
“Oh, Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz,”
At least I have put my wishes to the universe. How it will answer, I do not know.
Notes from Rumbly Cottage 
Thanks for sharing this, and showing us how that feels. The past few years have been like this for me, and I live in a very wealthy area (in an apartment) where manicured, non-working women breeze past me in $80,000 cars all day long. We drive a banged up (paid for!) 2001 Subaru.
My sweetie, who grew up with very little money, has taught me to be much more appreciative of what we do have: fresh, healthy food in the fridge; money in the bank; dear friends, health, a lovely home. It is very easy in the U.S. to find oneself envying others, as insane wealth is so often shoved in our faces as desireable (no matter what we lose while acquiring it) and inevitable. It is neither.
I love to sail and have not had the spare $2-5,000 to buy a dinghy, so I went and crewed on $$$$$$ yachts all over Long Island Sound instead. It satisfied my urges, free.
Bless you for your patience and your wisdom. Hang in there!
This is an issue I struggle with all of the time. I thought I would share it and see where others sit on the spectrum.
I can completely relate. This is why every day when we say grace at the dinner table, I make sure to mention the simple things we do have and give thanks to God: a roof over our heads, clothes, food and most important: each other. The other stuff is just gravy.
Exactly. We try to do the same thing at meal time as well. I forgot to mention that what ended up being the best part of the day was sitting at the Dock Dogs area with two of my kids watching these dogs practice jumping into the water off of a dock into a huge pool. Some of the dogs got scared and would not go into the water and others were so excited they scooted on their butts to look as if they were sitting but slowly moving forward. It made me laugh and remember what it is all about.
When I was younger and my children lived at home, I felt the same frustration. I have found as I get older I require less “stuff”. God has blessed us greatly and shown me how “in whatever state I am, to be content”!
That is what I try to remember all of the time – to be content.
You’re definitely not alone in this one. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have been born with that singular talent (hitting a baseball 500 feet, for example) that is sure to bring financial riches. What is it like to never have to worry about paying the bills, to be able to buy anything you want without debating about it? I think it’s perfectly normal to have those kinds of thoughts and to feel frustrated at times, especially these days. But it sounds as though you always bounce back to a good place and feel the gratitude for what you have. Thank you for this honest post. I’m sure others appreciate it, as well. And like the old New York State Lottery slogan said, “Hey, you never know.”
It’s like that old joke when this guy begs God to help him win the lottery. God tells the guy to meet him half way – buy a ticket.
I think we all have those moments… for me the trick is getting back out of it. With practice, it gets easier. Just know .. you’re not alone. I really hate putting on my pretty shoes and having to walk through the snow, too. 🙂 Cheers MJ
Snow that sneaks into flats – brrrrr.
Thank you for such a heartfelt post. I know times are tough, and I do hope your financial situation eases up. In the meantime, I’m glad the sermon gave you that aha moment.
Thanks for stopping by. Sorry, I do not have a cycber cocktail to hand out.
Things aren’t always what they appear to be. I know a lot of wealthy people. Most of them are miserable. I know three woman (that look outwardly like they “have it all”) that are having affairs. I’d happily schelp thru. the snow holding my daughter’s hand & groaning about my ‘idiot’ husband while walking to church, rather than be in the situations I described above.
Good luck to you!
Will you be surprised to find out that most of the people who came there probably go through the same turmoil and gawd-what-IS-wrong-with-my-husband/wife feelings? 🙂 It is good of you to have spoken about it with such honesty. Most of us don’t! And perhaps that is why never find an a-ha moment. In church or otherwise.
I am very curious to know about your shoes. Did they survive the ordeal?
The shoes are going to live. I walked with my feet pointed towards the car to avoid the snow. The issue was more me trying to avoid having snow slip into the shoes before the mile walk. That makes feet very cold.
First, kudos on the use of the word “churlish.” Our culture needs a good vocabulary booster once in awhile. Second, you aren’t alone in feeling like this. My husband and I have been struggling (understatement) financially for the last couple of years, but we are also learning how to appreciate life for the little things, not the material things. God is good and He provides, we just have to learn how to accept that the provision isn’t always exactly what we had in mind. And third, thank you for the Janis Joplin reference. It’s always nice to see someone else who appreciates the soul and value of her music.
My mother used to play Janis’ music in the car all of the time. I sang this song one time during the adult sunday school lesson and none of our older members acted as if they had heard it before.
Rumbley cottage, Everything you deserve you will receive….remain humble, thankful and patient…
*I once was in the home of a millionaire…The owner seemed very nervous..he seemed preoccupied, couldn’t really sit still. ..I asked him, “How do you relax?” He responded, “I don’t have time to relax.” I told him that he should find a way to calm down, enjoy his wife and think about children. He kept brushing me off. Within a week, he had a heart attack.
And that is why one must find the way to want what you have. Thanks for stopping by. I loved your post about the dance class.