It has been a rough few weeks in our house. There have been a lot of changes. Our big blue minivan has finally died. Our 18-year-old no longer lives at home. The youngest child does not want me to walk with him to kindergarten. Adding insult to injury, my favorite radio station has moved my favorite talk host around. And it only leads to ostrich-like behavior on my part.
I have felt so sad and blue and unable to do the simple things I must do. Putting out the blog, going to work and doing the regular writing jobs help me focus and keep busy. Can’t go crazy when you are trying to write 500 words of perfection on a daily basis.
I have been you-tubing singers and bands I like. I was listening to REM, each song feeling more personal than the last. And then I remembered that
they did Shiny Happy People with the Muppets. I had to hunt that down and was rewarded with a big smile. That’s when I noticed a bunch of other Sesame Street videos on the queue. How can you be sad when monsters and kids are dancing?
Well, there are plenty of reasons for me to be sad lately. We made our 18 year-old son move to his father’s house at the end of July. It is a decision that makes me wonder about my parenting abilities and the mistakes I have made. On the other hand, I know I have made the right decision, especially when it came down to the rest of our kids being able to live in a calm house. The difference is dramatic.
For right now I feel awful. I keep hoping I did the right thing and that the lessons he will learn in the next few years will propel him to a better place. In truth, I am not sure and have days, hours, minutes in which I believe I have made a huge mistake. Yet my friend, Lois, assures me that sometimes you have to be tough and follow through on that decision. Then the trick is making them live with your boundaries once they come back, she says.
To not think about all of this stuff I have been back on my Harry Potter reading task. After the 18 y.o. left I began to clean his room he shared with the other boys. I threw out at least two bags of garbage that included packaging for socks and underwear. I found the fourth book so I’ve read that and book five. I cried when Sirius died and everything changed. I felt happy for Harry when Moody and Lupin came to tell off the Dursleys. Now I am working on the sixth book, realizing once again how Harry can get obsessed and stubborn.
As I work up to the seventh book, I wonder what I will do when that is over. My friend, Heather, returned Jane Bites Back to me and I have already read it through. Heather also returned my old fashioned 35 mm camera so I might take the canisters of film we found in the refrigerator and have a little fun.
Maybe it will take my mind off of the fact my 5-year-old has asserted his independence by telling me in no uncertain terms that I am not to walk him to school. No way, no how. Today as they walked to school, I took the time to take spent bloom heads off of my petunia basket, which looks to having a ton of blooms in the next week or so. I watched as far as the trees would allow and had to hope no bullies would dare mess with my littlest guy.
Then again, they do not know about his right hook.